i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
