fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
