the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
