My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
