got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
