I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
