I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
