Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
