Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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