The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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