I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize