Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
