SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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