Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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