a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize