I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
