so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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