____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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