Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
