maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
