it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
