theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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