im drinking this country out of the recession.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
