Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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