You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
