Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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