Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
