FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
