you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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