My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
