how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
