how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
