She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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