Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
