You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
