I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
its liver damage thursday
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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