I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
