i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
