8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
