So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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