Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
