what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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