This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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