What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
