His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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