Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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