i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
