Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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