bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
