Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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