So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
