i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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