just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
