is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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