I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
