another moral hangover. fuck.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
