she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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