It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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