Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
