after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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