Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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