I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
