u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
