I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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