i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
