and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
