My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
