he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
