Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
