All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just had sex on a roof
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize