I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
