The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
