It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Found the puke drawer
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize