Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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